If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
