ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Holy shit dude........stairs
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
