please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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