we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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