JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
