The brown eye won't let me do that either.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
