I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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