Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
