Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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