he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
