I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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