I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
