I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
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I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
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I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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