We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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