I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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