i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
