I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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