My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
