The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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