Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
