new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
