Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize