He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
