and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
