i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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