Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
