i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
