guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Everyone says I win the strip club
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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