SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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