Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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