Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
