If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
