I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
