My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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