My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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