you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
