oh god the rape fog is back!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
