When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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