New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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