I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
