I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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