So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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