think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
