update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
