North Korea, Best Korea!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
