Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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