i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
