Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
