Cold hands, warm shart.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
