you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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