i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
