i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
