So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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