everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
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He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
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Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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