If i come over, it means nothing
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
