dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
