At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
