Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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