Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
