Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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