meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
