i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
