I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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