totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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