There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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