you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
