I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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