dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
