well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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