perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
