so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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