so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
