Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
