Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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