I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
