u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
